Skin Deep

Class was fun today. Nancy and Julie are awesome about not making me feel like "the guy who's in their way" during production. I made Scott some chocolate molds and truffles. Tomorrow I'll start the chocolate box that will carry it all :-) I hope he likes it.

In the meantime I'm sure my body will decide to break out from the buttload of chocolate we've been tasting. There's such a variety, and such great differences in texture and taste. Nevertheless, it's all loaded with sugar, so unless I start exfoliating and applying astringent right now during class, I can expect a charming little surprise or two enveloping my face tomorrow morning. In my defense, I DID throw quite a few cacao nibs into the chocolate mix that I devoured. I'm still not sure what antioxidants do, but they're packed with them. I hope they at least minimize the zitfest I'm warily anticipating—if not heal me of all my ailments.

One thing I don't foresee it helping me to accomplish is that weight loss goal. Well, I'd hardly call it a goal. More like a..."wouldn't it be nice if...blah blah blah." Cacao nibs are basically what is known as cocoa mass—cocoa solids and cocoa butter. Meaning that, as filled with antioxidants as it may be, the remainder of the nib consists of what women use to soften their skin!

I'm not stressing out about it...mainly because that would further provoke a breakout. But I'm starting to see that, regarding weight loss, time is of the essence. No, my biological clock is not ticking...in the traditional sense. I just don't know (once I lose an ideal amount of weight) whether or not I'll need to overdose on vitamin E to avoid a skin condition like this:

I'm not all that young anymore, so my skin elasticity isn't what it once was. I don't want to resort to surgery. My wallet has been fucked enough already. I'll no doubt ask myself every step of the way why I'm losing weight.

Social acceptance? Fuck no. I'll likely spit in the face of every shallow douchebag who hits on me—because I know he would never have lowered himself to do so before.

Health reasons? Maybe. But honestly, my cholesterol is fine. It's not even higher-range fine. It's FINE fine. The only trouble spot would be my blood pressure. Which means that once I lose weight, I won't be at risk of a heart attack while fending off a hate bashing or running from zombies or whatever.

Because Scott wants me to? Yeah, that's probably it. I'd do a lot for him. He says he worries about my health. That's reason enough for me.

But one thing is certain. I'll never have a problem speaking my mind to any shallow, elitist asshole who makes others feel bad for not resembling a malnourished cookie-cutter image of "perfection."

Sexy has a broad definition. That's reality. Anyone who wants to make it a narrow, exclusive snoot club is living in a fleeting fantasy with a definite expiration date. No one will look 18 and trim forever. It's high time everyone realizes that and gets over this skin-deep mentality. And regardless of how sexy you are in anyone's eyes, it doesn't make you any more deserving of happiness or love than anyone else.

...I wonder how many more post it will be before the stop ending in rants...

November Rant: Bullshit Societal Habits

I just finished the last slice of my delicious but vanilla-heavy and crust-too-thick pumpkin pie. T'was nice, but I predict hunger pangs very soon. Possibly within minutes if I don't stop talking (or typing) about food! But really, the pie itself was snagged to silence the hunger already present after the spartan duck/rice dinner I rationed for myself.

Scott has a point. I should lose weight for health reasons, and at the very least to experience the fruits of bullshit society (my words, not his). By that, I refer to our society that treats some much better than others. Who, you may ask? Skinny, tall, white people with big dicks (big dicks-mostly applicable to males). If you fall into this category, you're set for life. Even if your face wouldn't be permitted anywhere near a catalogue or magazine, possessing the aforementioned qualities ensures you unfair but unparalleled treatment. Why? Because, whether it's a business or social setting, CEOs (and most other people with money, but not all) think they've earned the privilege of associating only with those whom they consider aesthetically pleasing. In other words, those whom they'd like to fuck. It's as simple as that.

I'm not saying one who fits the previously mentioned mold gets a free ride. I do say there's undeniable favoritism and ever-present difference in consideration. Comparatively, there's a "last kid picked to be on the team" pattern that the rest of us have to deal with in order to get ahead in the same game.

I'm very grateful for employers (and other groups of people) who provide a sanctuary for us and actually measure us by our aptitude for the job at hand, our social charisma, our determination...ANYTHING BUT OUR FUCKING BONE STRUCTURE OR WAIST SIZE.

Clearly, I've got anger issues to deal with. But that shouldn't be taken to mean that there isn't something inherently fucked up with the way beauty is praised above all else. We know it's fleeting. We know that ALL OF US will start to be categorized as "fugly" at one point or another in our short lives. So why expend so much energy trying to fit in, therefore contributing to the shit-machine? Because it's a money maker. Not for you or me, of course. But for the already-rich.

Don't believe me? Ask Anna Wintour and her skeletal army of models. Short of saving money on cloth materials, fabric pushers like her have no valid reason to use such waify models. And with the frequency the word "fat" is unjustifiably thrown around in that field, one might understand why I've included the entire institution of modern fashion into my broadening definition of the word "bullshit."

If anything is worth strife, it's happiness...and the demolition of the obstacles that stand between it and us. Take a moment to think before you say something nasty about someone who you've been brainwashed to consider too short or fat or hairy or ugly to wear something, or to be seen in public...or to enjoy their own lives. Think about the many ways YOU don't fit in. Would you be hurt by the words you're about to say?